The Bitter Woman

We may not be aware of it but every encounter with a living being effects us in some way or the other. 

This is why the ancients stressed upon the company we keep. Good, noble and loving people enrich us and some not so good people tend to impoverish us.

With good fortune, it was on Guru Poornima (full moon) at the ashram of Baba Ishwar Singh in Dehradun (India) that my wife Mohini and I met a spiritual man, Kulwinder Singh who drives a taxi in NewYork city (USA) for a living.

Contrary to perception, truly spiritual individuals are genuine egoless people, often witty, deep in character and exuding peace & joy. Their presence always leads to an awakening, like the petals of the bud blooming into a flower. An spiritual person can impart positive energy to us if we are receptive.

Kulwinder had many experiences to share as a cab driver. People drifted into his life for a few minutes to a couple of hours. After much prodding by me he shared several of the experiences he had with various passengers.

Here is an experience he shared about ‘The bitter woman’.

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One day a lady got into Kulwinder's cab. She was busy on her cellular phone and snapped an address at Kulwinder. She was in a terrible mood and was quarreling  with someone at the other end of the phone. Soon after they started they got caught in a traffic jam.  

The woman turned her wrath on Kulwinder screaming and using rather foul language, venting her bitterness and unpleasantness on him also. She blamed Kulwinder for getting them stuck in the slow moving road traffic and then she went back to her war against the unfortunate person on the phone. This was repeated several times during the long drive. Kulwinder remained unaffected by the woman's disgraceful behaviour.

About 10 minutes before they reached their destination the woman hung up her phone, brooding for a while before holding her face in her hands and began to cry.

When they arrived Kulwinder said “ Miss we are here” . The woman just sat unmoving in her seat. Kulwinder reminded her a couple of times that they had arrived at her destination.

She looked up and started crying again and said “ I am sorry, I abused you, I know my behaviour was unacceptable. You may not know it but I am not a bad person, and normally do not behave in this way. However I am very curious as to, why did you not react and say something back?”

Kulwinder replied “ Miss, I do not know what your problem is and why you behaved in the way you did. I cannot change you or your circumstances but I can definitely manage my response. If you permit me I can tell you what I believe in and maybe you will understand why I did not react”

The woman still sniffing requested Kulwinder to say more.

“ Let me first tell you a story about Mahatma** Buddha” Kulwinder said;

One day as he approached a village, Mahatma Buddha met an aggressive man who was in a foul mood. He started abusing Lord Buddha, who merely stood there listening to the man for quite a while as the insolent man went on and on with his acidic tirade.

At last, exhausted and emptied of his toxic anger the man sat down.

Mahatma Buddha politely asked " If you have finished , may I proceed on my journey?

The foul mouthed man looked at the Mahatma in astonishment and said; “ I have been so bitter in my behaviour towards you and abusive in my conduct, yet you just looked at me smilingly. Are you deaf, a coward or mad? “

Mahatma Buddha said “ I have just come from the neighbouring village. As I was departing from that village, a kind man presented me a tray of wonderful sweets. I took the tray, and I shared the sweets with other residents of the village and everyone was happy. Unfortunately my brother, you gave me something which I cannot share with anyone else, therefore I cannot accept what you have showered on me. You must take what you have brought here for me, back with you.”

Kulwinder told the woman “ Had I accepted what you gave me, I would have shared the misery with the next passenger, and whoever I came in contact with for the rest of the day. Imagine the pain and anguish I would have inflicted on my family when I returned home. Forget me for a while , think what will happen to you when you walk around with this toxic anger? How will be your behaviour with your loved ones and your family?”

The woman started sobbing uncontrollably and after a few minutes said “please forgive me and thank you for your words of wisdom”

Kulwinder Singh, replied “ It is God you must thank for his great mercy and kindness and my Guru for his teachings which I imbibe.”

*Guru Poornima is also the auspicious day on which lord Buddha gave His first sermon at Sarnath (Uttar Pradesh, India).

** Mahatma means great soul.

Being SPIRITUAL is different from being RELIGIOUS

We have often heard the phrase 'Religious fanatic' but it is doubtful if we have ever heard of a 'Spiritual fanatic'.

I too like many other people had made the mistake of thinking of religion and spirituality as one and the same thing.

We claim we are Sikhs, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Christians etc, simply because we are born to parents who made the same claim, like their parents before them. Most of us are mere zombies mindlessly following practices and rituals. Do we really follow the teachings of Christ, or Buddha, the Guru or Prophet?

 Their comes a time when we begin to seek answer to such questions? If we are lucky we find someone who provides us some answers. If we are blessed and extremely fortunate we need not be told, for our answers will be born out of our own experiences.

We discover spirituality in many ways and this is one incident that helped me to become a less religious but more spiritual person.

I had to attend to business in Allahabad (Uttar Pradesh) and decided to fly from Delhi to Benares and then drive on to Allahabad.

Located on the banks of the holy river Ganga, Benares is supposed to be the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world.

 As I sat down in my aircraft seat and buckled myself in, I noticed two South Indian gentlemen, dressed in their traditional clothing of Lungi and shirt but they were barefooted.

It is rare, even for us Indians to see barefooted passengers on an aircraft. This however was not the only eye opener.

As is my habit I always greet my co-passengers and converse with them. If I am lucky I am able to engage them in a fruitful discussion. This is a tremendous opportunity to learn about random matters and opinions which I am rarely exposed to during my other social interactions. I was intrigued with my fellow travellers and we started to converse.

Residents of Malaysia, my co-passengers were Dr Arjunan Balasubramaniam and Swanand . They remarked that they were on their yearly pilgrimage to various holy Hindu shrines in India. I learnt a little later that Arjunan is amongst Malaysia's leading attorneys and Swanand manages his own shipping company.

They planned to visit the Kashi Vishwanath temple at Benares dedicated to Lord Shiva and then bathe in the holy Ganga adjoining the temple.

I with my curious but immature mind remarked to Arjunan that it was quite obvious that he worshipped Lord Shiva, and Arjunan must be very religious to undertake this pilgrimage every year.

Arjunan responded, "I worship the One True lord and all his manifestations, including Lord Shiva.". He further added, "On the contrary I am not religious at all, but I am deeply spiritual."

I was puzzled. This was a revelation for me and I began to think, I always used the words religion and spirituality interchangeably believing them to mean the same thing. This interaction planted the seeds of a friendship. We decided to hang out together in Benares.

We arrived at Benares and I was appalled at what I saw. Here was one of India's most religious places, mentioned since ancient times. Hindu teachings have referred to Benares for more than twenty thousand years. The great city had been turned into an ugly mess with no discipline and garbage strewn everywhere, except at the temple premises.

Shock gave way to anger, then sadness and despair as I travelled through the city to the temple of Kashi Vishwanath, the temple of 'The King of the Universe'. The temple itself was magnificent and clean but the surrounding areas was indescribably bad. Food was strewn everywhere, dogs, cattle, monkeys abounded in their feasting of the food so wasted and discarded on the roads and by-lanes by 'devotees'.

We washed up and entered the temple and paid our obeisance. The vibrations from within the temple were overpowering and soothing to the soul. My anger and despair was transformed into hope as I bowed and surrendered to Him, and said a silent prayer.

For fleeting moments I felt calm before I was rudely shoved by people standing behind me, waiting for their turn to transact whatever they had come for.

I emerged from the temple recharged, and back to the reality of this beautiful world made ugly by our neglect and abuse.

We debated what to do next. We decided to take a bath at the bathing ghat near the temple. I took one look at the state of the river Ganga. Mother Ganga, which is considered to be the holiest of holy rivers. She has the power to wash away the sins of all those who bathe and pray in the river. I could not but help feel that the Holy Ganga was herself being overpowered by the sinners and the pollution we humans had created.

There was so much debris floating near the banks that devotees had to push the rubbish away to find a clear patch in the water in which to bathe. I balked at bathing or even touching the Ganga’ s water because I was not yet willing to believe. However Arjunan and Swanand calmly disrobed and after clothing themselves in 'dhotis' waded into the river and offered their prayers while taking a dip in the holy Ganga.

The terrible state of the Ganga is an example of human selfishness and apathy. We seek salvation but we cannot even provide the basic courtesy so required to take the first step in this direction. I swore that I would do something about this situation and decided to devote some part of my life to preserving the environment and our cultural values.

I sought to continue our discussion on spirituality and religion and the meaning of life, but the pressure of the appointment in Allahabad meant I had to leave with my doubts unanswered. Reluctantly I bid adieu to my new found friends and drove off to Allahabad.

Many questions nagged me until nearly three years later I met Sant Baba Ishwar Singh ji of Dheradun. I sought his guidance on religion and spirituality. I have summarised what I learnt and wish to share it with you.

• There is, but one God.
• He is known by many names. The names being given by people as they have learnt of Him and how they have experienced His greatness.
• He is not like a human being but is energy manifest in this universe.
• There are countless religions, but all religions are merely roads to reach Him.
• To merge and be one with Him should be our aim.
• However we forget the destination and our stuck on our various roads. We fight for religion but not truth, each religion claiming that "my God is better than your God", and "my road is better than your road" etc.
•  Organised religions are ever growing and powerful institutions serving to fulfil mainly social and political needs. Performing rituals for birth and death, marriages and separations, acquisitions and losses, etc. Religion has come to be associated with power, greed arrogance and falsehoods. 
• Religion has become materialistic and at best offering superficial solace to the masses, often failing to touch the soul or the consciousness.
• Organised religion as practiced nowadays is a hijacked and distorted version of the teachings of Gurus, Prophets, Messiahs, and Saviours.
• Religion which was meant to bring people closer to one another and to God had actually caused great divisions between men and distanced humanity from God

On spirituality and spiritual beings he said;

•       Spirituality means love, compassion, tolerance, friendship and contentment with what we have and with the universe in which we exist.

•      Spiritual beings do not follow a particular religion save that of truth. They do not believe in dogma and rituals, they will spread joy and peace wherever they go, for the Lord travels with them.

•      All people, creatures and nature are precious to the spiritual being.

•      A spiritual person never gets provoked into anger.

•      Spiritual people do good things and help others without expecting anything in return, for they know it is not their own doing, they are merely doing God's bidding.

If something is burning we can pour water to cool it off, or we can find and eliminate the cause of the burning. 

Religion is like water thrown on an inextinguishable fire and more often than not organised religion is like adding fuel to the fire. Spirituality on the other hand removes the burning caused by fire of hate, greed, false ego etc.

I was until not long ago a bad guy, but the good thing is I knew I was bad and I needed to change. I consciously tried to change my nature, but always relapsed because our sub-conscious is much more powerful than the conscious mind

With the blessing of Babaji my spiritual teacher and guide, I have changed considerably for the better, because my core has changed

I no longer struggle to be something I am not. I hope and pray that you too are as lucky as I have been.

Reflect, be happy and successful

It is dawn now at the Ashram of Sant Baba Ishwar Singh ji on the outskirt of Dehradun. Rising each morning at 4 am I join the morning meditation and prayer at 4:30. followed by a couple of hours of silent contemplation before breakfast. The ashram provides a perfect place for rejuvenation.



An ashram literally means a sheltered abode. A shelter need not be only of the physical kind that protects the body. A true shelter envelopes also the mind and the spirit, allowing the individual to connect with the life giving energy of the cosmos. Known by numerous names this life force normally called God has to be experienced not learnt.





Only where there is love, friendship, peace and understanding can a house become a home. Similarly an ashram comes alive with the presence of a living Guru. The presence of the teacher/ master called Guru provides the recharging energy and wisdom at the ashram. Visiting a structure has little meaning and acts more like a spiritual placebo, providing a superficial feeling of goodness which soon vanishes leaving the soul and the inner person untouched.



At the ashram my tensions ebb away as I sit here and contemplate and observe the monsoon fury which is so easily absorbed by the forest at whose edge the ashram is nestled.

Pursuing people and things, we are so busy in our daily lives experiencing love, hate, greed, lust etc. Yet we learn almost nothing from our experiences unless we reflect (look back and review) and analyse whatever happens.



Genuinely happy and successful people are often spiritually strong for they are in touch with their inner self. To connect with our inner being they look inwards and reflecting. It is however difficult to reflect on our experiences with the constant and omnipresent din of our social environment. We need a getaway place.



The quest for a getaway is initially a physical place, but we soon learn that it fulfil only a small part of our craving. The fortunate ones learn that the getaway is a spiritual place and within our own very being. This spiritual place can be found within us but for which a living master is required. This master called a Guru leads people to discover their own inner space. This is the place where we hear, see, and feel not only ourselves but the entire creation. Peace, joy and understanding come to the reflective mind and spirit.


The first part of our spiritual journey takes us only to the inner space where we reflect. This reflection is useful if it is evaluated appropriately. Our reflection is tested against our values acquired from our parents, teachers and society at large. Much of this is material and some of it spiritual.



Like a beacon of light the Guru's teachings illuminates a way forward, helping the individual to choose between right and wrong. The Guru provides the precious touchstone for making the right choice.  It is helpful that each night before we fall asleep and review in a few minutes the entire day like one watches a movie. Reflecting on what transpired one can judge what should have been done or said rather than what actually took place. This provides the seed for a corrective action in future deeds and words.



The truly reflective person exists simultaneously on two planes. They interact physically on the social plane yet their spirit and their mind operates at a higher plane making them happier and enabling them to be more  successful.