Who am I?

Trying to understand my existence?

Searching for God

Wherever you look, it appears that religion is making a revival. Unfortunately it does not seem to be doing the world much good. People are just as much if not more unhappy, frustrated and miserable as they were before.

Religions produce obedient followers and are therefore helpful for maintaining social order because they are supposedly based on scripture and the words of a Guru, Saviour, Prophet etc. Religion supposedly based on unchallengeable truths is more powerful than the authority of men even if they are rulers and government.

While providing some degree of solace to the masses, religion is  so powerful that it's leadership has been mostly hijacked by the wrong type of people. Power hungry and not necessarily good people have over a period of time taken over the reins of religious institutions. Pandering to insatiable demand of their followers for miracles and to cope with their fears, these powerful people are only concerned with themselves and have only marginal interest in religion. When the main interest of religious leaders is enrichment and enhancement of power, then religions cease to provide joy and liberation.

However if one seeks liberation and joy then one has to progress from religion and make the spiritual journey.

Most people consider religion and spirituality to be one and the same. In fact the two are completely different.  Religion is living life through others experience, spirituality is living through one's own experience.

Finding God is impossible through the mind. Unfortunately religions and  preachers appeal to our minds and ask us to follow blindly as if we are sheep. They claim that we are following God, but in reality we are only following other people.

The search for God is really the search for oneself. No one can discover themselves outside of their beings. Spiritual journey is introspection, looking within and meditation. Spiritual journey is the path of love.

If we are fortunate we experience love. Love is probably the most used word in the world and yet the least understood. Love is delightful and exhilarating because it is a feeling and not a thought. Love emerges from our spirit and not from the mind.

The search for God can be fruitful only through the heart and our spiritual being.

The beauty of love is that makes us blind. Probably the only way to find God is the blessing to fall in love with Him. Only then will we the little droplet travel to meet and merge into the ocean we call God.

Love cannot be found by understanding or application of thoughts. The mind will lead us to follow scriptures, but scriptures are dead to us if we are not enlightened. Religion makes shepherds of the priests and mere sheep out of us.

However spirituality leads our soul to discover and experience the unknown and thus enlighten us.

Spirituality is to experience and that too without thinking. This is why it is called 'falling in love'. We cannot force ourselves to love it just happens and it merely flows we simply fall in love.

Like all falls, love is initially frightening. Love after all means surrender. However we remain so guarded and fearful that we often lock ourselves inside our being. We have to be open and honest with ourselves.

Unfortunately when we surrender to people, a lover, a partner, parent, child  we are always disappointed, because nothing is permanent. The loved one changes and then we fall out of love. If we are jilted and lose someone or something our heart breaks. However when you fall in love with God, nothing changes and that love is pure and everlasting.

You may say, yes, yes, .......... I have heard all this before but how exactly will I find the way forward?

If you want someone else to answer that question, then once again you would be on the path of religion and not spirituality. We can only observe the experience of others and then examine our own experiences. This blog is but just another feeble attempt to reach your spirit through the mind.

My own experience suggests, love can easily blossom in healthy environments. On the other hand love cannot take birth in a toxic desert. It always helps to avoid people who exude negativity, who are cruel, preach and practice hate, cause divisions and exploit others, and are power hungry.

I have experienced that when we love the Creator, we love creation. We will see more and more goodness in people. All of His creation will be beautiful and even the experience of pain will be beautiful. As we evolve further we will exist beyond the experiences of joy and sorrow.

So friends love whoever you meet without hope of getting anything in return. Only God can do that. Love is an overflowing of goodness, which is inherent within all of us. Turn the tap on and give of yourself and your possessions as much as you can keeping only that which you need.

If you can cross this great step, then there will be no difference between you and the Creator.

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Do blessings work?

The other day my 90 year old aunt as always, placed her hand on my head and kissed me on the forehead saying "God bless you".

My son asked, "How can you tell if the blessings are working?"

Whenever the world is filled with unbearable pain and anguish, God sends a Messenger, a Messiah, a Guru or a Prophet to guide humanity

Today is Easter Sunday and on this day Jesus was resurrected after being crucified. Yet he wanted nothing he only wanted to give love. It was hard for people to understand this 2000 years ago so you can imagine how hard it is for people to accept that today.

We are not rich because we have much, we are infact poor as long as we are in want, and hunger for more. The rich are those that do not desire more and are content with what they have.

Rumi the great Persian Sufi said "The wound is the place where the light enters you", I should know for I have experienced it.

In my own life, within a very short time I lost all my material wealth and possessions. Only much later did I realise that it was not a tragedy but a stroke of good luck and a blessing in disguise. Why? Because, I realised the limitations of material  things and the infinite richness of my spiritual being. The end result is, I live each moment as if it is my last, contented and free of material burden. I have come to realise that,

• Childlike, many things, relations and incidents continue to fascinate me or make me happy.
• Money is just a means and not an end.
• Making the effort is within my capacity but not the results. Fruit of my labour is dependent on His grace. I do my work and let God do his.
• Whatever I do, there is no ulterior motive, malice or greed, therefore I am free of fear. This seems to do wonders for my appetite and my sleep. 
• My life's journey has become my destination.

I now know that the blessings are working.

Just a piece of meat

A few weeks ago, 40 year old Manmeeth my sister required to undergo surgery.

Normally independent and strong spirited Manmeeth was inexplicably very nervous and so Mohini my wife and I accompanied her to Pune's most reputed hospital, where she had already been booked by her surgeon.

The hospital handled the paperwork for her admission and collection of advance payment  very smoothly and efficiently. Soon after she went up to her room, a small army of 23 people went to work, doing their assigned 'jobs' in a factory like manner  preparing Manmeeth for surgery. 

Surprisingly except for the surgeon and the anesthesist no one engaged with Manmeeth to make her feel comfortable or provide her any sense of being cared for.  As observers we felt uneasy and completely helpless. All we could do was to hold her hand in ours.

A weak smile on her face and a strong grip on Mohini's hand did not disguise her nervousness as they took her to the operation theatre. 

Three hours later they wheeled Manmeeth back into the room, where she remained in a state of agony and dazed for the rest of the day and night.  

My unease grew the longer I stayed by her bedside. Most of the staff were were fairly efficient, but they  appeared  least concerned with Manmeeth the patient. I could not overcome my disappointment that the hospital staff had touched her body but not her being. To them she was just a job, a patient number and could have been nothing more than a living piece of meat.

Most hospitals like to claim they are in the health-care business. 

This is very misleading in the sense is that people go to the hospital only when they are ill. Therefore hospitals do not provide health-care they provide illness-care and that too coldly and badly.

What is true is that illness-care has become a business and that is not necessarily a bad thing. What is terrible is that the business of most hospitals only focuses on mere profits without consideration for the customer (in this case the patient) or the staff. Such hospitals will eventually lose their business whenever a competitor with more patient focus will emerge.

The surgeons and the hospital staff all said the operation had been a success. 

In physical terms  they were probably correct. Psychologically and emotionally the surgery was a disaster. They had treated a body and not a person.

Being compassionate is what makes a us human. 

Ask yourself honestly, "Have I lost my compassion?" 

If you have, then remember it's never too late to re-find your compassion because you never know when you might need it yourself.

Spiritual Courage

We were surprised to receive an invitation from Smokey and Patricia James to celebrate the life of young Judah who left this world about a month ago.

Judah's father, Pastor  Smokey James is a dear friend and we have spent our childhood together. I know so much about what he was him but on that day I learnt that I knew so little about what my friend had become.

It is said by the Gurus and the Saints that we many will share in our time of joy but hardly anyone will be there in our time of sorrow. With a heavy heart we went with a few of our common friends.

In India we have a word for the truly spiritual person,  'Sant', born of two words 'Sa' and 'anth', literally translated into 'end of breathing' and to become unattached from the material world and to submit oneself to the ocean of energy and love which we call God.

People that submit themselves to God appear to encounter many difficulties and trials to other normal people, but, the spiritual persons themselves remain unaffected. They see it as His will and accept everything with joy, a joy born out of gratitude.

As we gathered and met with Smokey and his wife Patricia, they embraced us with smiles. I was embarrassed for I had a long face. Smokey explained, "Why should we mourn our loss of Judah when he is with our Lord in paradise? How fortunate is  our Judah and how blessed are we to have had this pure, loving and angelic child so close to us for 17 years."

The entire James family went up to the stage and sang hymns, praising the Lord and instilling love, and surrender in our hearts. We sang along, the kind of singing that comes from the heart and not the lips.

Smokey then delivered a sermon which filled our hearts with love and respect, for we saw not Judah's father and our friend but an extraordinary man.  A man much like us but who had transcended his pain and sorrow to make great progress in his spiritual journey.

Great sorrow can either completely destroy the spirit or make a person immensely strong.
The latter path is for the blessed for they become fearless. They have touched death and returned and come to realise that there is nothing but goodness beyond this life.

That day we learnt another aspect of life and death, and experienced a demonstration of immense courage which is born of true spirituality.

Experience is not what happens to us but what we do with what happens to us. May God bless the James family for they have surmounted their pain and emerged stronger and in doing so, have inspired us.

He took my son

The news arrived while we were at a dinner gathering of students and  teachers to honour a school teacher visiting our city after more than 40 years.  Our happy reminiscing was rudely interrupted by a tragic announcement.  Our dear friend from school, Pastor Smokey James had just lost his 17 year young son Judah in a drowning accident.

I was angry with myself for being so slow to feel Smokey and Patricia's anguish. I suppose when confronted by an unimaginable situation our minds often go numb and fails us.  For a while I continued with the evening as if I never even heard the disastrous news.

As realization of the gravity of the situation dawned on me I suddenly felt suffocated by the celebrations of my schoolmates. I had to flee from there.

It was too late to call anyone to confirm the sad news. Several messages from common friends in the morning reconfirmed what my heart already knew.

Maybe God  had other duties and plans  for Judah. This Judah sensed, because he wrote this poem a month before he was recalled.

If you don’t wanna live your life alone

Try Jesus who will hit you like a cyclone…..

When His light in you has shone

You won’t even have time to mourn!...….

Judah  in spite of being a good swimmer and had been dragged downstream by the angry river from Islampur. After a massive hunt they discovered his lifeless body late in the morning.  The phone lines were abuzz seeking information on the funeral preparations and timings.

What could I and for that matter any of us do, His will is final and all we can do is accept it?   It was past 8:00 pm when the devastated family arrived in Pune  and the funeral held. 

I arrived at the cemetery just after the burial. As I hurried towards the gathering some people told me " You are late, you might as well go back".

Late for what? None of us could do anything for Judah, but we could share Smokey and Patricia's sorrow. I wondered how is it that we have become so preoccupied with ceremony that we are blind to truth and devoid of compassion?

Do we care not for the living, who will have to survive this great loss?  It is they that need our comfort and not the corpse which lay lifeless before us.

My heart and mind were in turmoil. I felt a mixture of confusion, sadness, and anger. 

This only increased as I stood in a rather long line of mourners and watching various people who had come.

My gaze turned to the attendees  many who had come from afar who were milling around indulging in social intercourse, while a few prayed. 

The majority just waited their turn and tried to  comfort Smokey the only way they knew. A long face, a handshake or a hug, mutter a few  words of consolation and then leave. I could not but believe that each mourner only further tormented the grievously wounded soul.

When my turn came I simply hugged Smokey. When you love someone, words become somewhat unnecessary. He began to sob and softly said in a voice filled with shock and overflowing with sadness said, "He took my son,   …  He took my son".

A minute which seemed an hour we spent in embrace, I felt I was able to take away some of his pain. However so terrible was the tragedy for Smokey that grief filled his heart almost instantaneously when the next person met him.

Filled with sadness for my friend and what he and the family would have to endure their whole lives I sat with Deepak another classmate. I observed that barely had many mourners turned to leave they returned to their normal lives, seemingly almost untouched by this tragedy.

Many a funeral I have attended and am always puzzled by the effortless and immediate transition from mourning to normal life. Maybe we have become mere mask wearers.

How could people be untouched by a  tragedy of this magnitude, and to a person so close to us? It made me realise once again how fragile  life is and the insignificance of man in the scheme of this universe and how trivial our pursuit of things.

I left after a while noting that many people appeared undisturbed. This is a quality possessed by great souls that  gracefully accept God's will, and who were beyond feelings of life and death. Or is it a reflection of a society which increasingly fakes everything, even sincerity.

You have to break your heart

Spiritual quotes by - Jalal ud Din Mohammad Rumi 

You have to keep breaking your heart, until it opens.

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His epitaph -

When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth,

but find it in the hearts of men.

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I died as a mineral and became a plant,

I died as plant and rose to animal,

I died as animal and I was Man.

Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?

Yet once more I shall die as Man, to soar with angels blessed. 

But even from angel-hood I must pass on.  All except God doth perish.

When I have sacrificed my angel-soul,  I shall become what no mind ever conceived.

Oh, let me not exist! for Non-existence proclaims in organ tones,

To Him we shall return.

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Wandering for four years looking for his teacher and guide Shams e Tabrizi who simply disappeared Rumi one day said,

"Why should I seek? I am the same as He. 
His essence speaks through me.
I have been looking for myself!"

- Jalal ud Din Mohammad Rumi 

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“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

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"Raise your words, not voice. 

It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder…"

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“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be 
polished?”

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“Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.”

               - Rumi, Masnavi i Man'avi, the spiritual couplets of Maula

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“The minute I heard my first love story,

I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.

They're in each other all along.”

                       

                                     - Rumi, The Illuminated Rumi

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“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”

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“What you seek is seeking you.”

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“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

                                                               

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“Don’t grieve. 

Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

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“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”

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“My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there.”

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“Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. 

Unfold your own myth.”

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“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

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“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

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“This being human is a guest house. 
Every morning is a new arrival. 
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor...
Welcome and entertain them all. 
Treat each guest honourably. 
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. 
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” 

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“People want you to be happy.

Don't keep serving them your pain!

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“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, "You owe me."

Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.”

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“Words are a pretext. 

It's the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.”
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“Two there are who are never satisfied -

             - the lover of the world and the lover of knowledge.” 
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“I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons.

Knocking on a door, it opens.

I've been knocking from the inside.” 

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“Reason is powerless in the expression of Love.”

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“Who could be so lucky? 
Who comes to a lake for water and sees the reflection of moon.” 

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“I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.
Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.” 

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“And you? 

When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” 

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“Only from the heart can you touch the sky.” 

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“They say there is a doorway from heart to heart, but what is 

the use of a door when there are no walls?” 

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“Not only the thirsty seek the water, 

               the water as well seeks the thirsty.” 

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“When someone beats a rug,

the blows are not against the rug,

but against the dust in it.” 

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“There are lovers content with longing.

I’m not one of them.” 

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“If in thirst you drink water from a cup, you see God in it. 

Those who are not in love with God will see only their own faces in it.” 

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“Respond to every call that excites your spirit.”  ______________________________________

“You were born with potential.

You were born with goodness and trust. 

You were born with ideals and dreams. 

You were born with greatness

You were born with wings.

You are not meant for crawling, so don't.

You have wings.

Learn to use them and fly.” 

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